Mr. Grammar Rant inverts a comma

Apostrophe Protection Society

A question comes to us from a former student – let’s call her Gwendolyn – who works in the communications department of a small public relations firm in Small Town, Ontario, not far from Quaint, in the township of Middleoftheroad. Gwendolyn writes: “Mr. Grammar Rant, my boss is a lovely person and a great boss, but she has no idea how to use the apostrophe! She insists on writing Tim Hortons and Starbucks, and ‘youre’ when she means ‘you’re,’ and she refuses to listen to me when I try to correct her, telling me that I’m too young and inexperienced in syntactical matters to know anything about apostrophes! Can you please help?”

Of course we here at Mr. Grammar Rant can help! And we help by pointing Gwendolyn and her obdurate boss to http://www.apostrophe.org.uk/. This excellent and heart-warming organization was, according to it’s web site, “started in 2001 by John Richards, now its Chairman, with the specific aim of preserving the correct use of this currently much abused punctuation mark in all forms of text written in the English language.” It’s enough to bring a tear of gratitude to the eye, a tremble of warm emotion to the lip and – dare I say it? – a soft glow of affection, to the most jaded and hardened ink-stained editorial wretch. Just knowing that there is someone out there in Networld who has taken on the onerous and thankless job of guarding our time-honoured use of the neglected and misused apostrophe makes it possible for the rest of us to sleep more soundly at night, doesn’t it?

Note and appreciate the beauty of the following:

“The rules concerning the use of apostrophes in written English are very simple:

1. They are used to denote a missing letter or letters, for example:

	I can’t instead of I cannot
	I don’t instead of I do not
	it’s instead of it is

2. They are used to denote possession, for example:

	the dog’s bone
	the company’s logo
	Jones’s bakery (but Joneses’ bakery if owned by more than one Jones)

… but please note that the possessive form of it does not take an apostrophe any more than ours, yours or hers do

the bone is in its mouth

… however, if there are two or more dogs, companies or Joneses in our example, the apostrophe comes after the ‘s’:

	the dogs’ bones
	the companies’ logos
	Joneses’ bakeries

3. Apostrophes are NEVER ever used to denote plurals!  Common examples of such abuse (all seen in real life!) are:

	Banana’s for sale which of course should read Bananas for sale
	Menu’s printed to order which should read Menus printed to order
	MOT’s at this garage which should read MOTs at this garage
	1000′s of bargains here! which should read 1000s of bargains here!
	New CD’s just in! which should read New CDs just in!
	Buy your Xmas tree’s here! which should read Buy your Xmas trees here!

Note: Special care must be taken over the use of your and you’re as they sound the same but are used quite differently:
your is possessive as in this is your pen
you’re is short for you are as in you’re coming over to my house

We are aware of the way the English language is evolving during use, and do not intend any direct criticism of those who have made the mistakes above.  We are just reminding all writers of English text, whether on notices or in documents of any type, of the correct usage of the apostrophe should you wish to put right mistakes you may have inadvertently made.”

So take heart, dear Gwendolyn, your boss can be made to see the light, and she, and perhaps you, may indeed want to joint this august company of literati who strive to maintain a high standard of English language use.

Up the apostrophe!

Sincerely,

Mr. Grammar Rant

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